Paschwitz v. Hannigan

Tall, slow windmills and drowsy woodlands set the tempo of Doom, where Wilhelm II ages and declines in ease; but, recently, came a letter to strike sparks in the imperial twilight, a letter from Boston to "William the Third". . . .

Since the envelope was long, crisp, important, a flunky in tight breeches and silver braid carried it gingerly to the Chamberlain, Admiral Herr von Reuber Paschwitz. More in amaze than anger, the Admiral muttered "Dummkopf! Blockhead!" ripped, discovered the letter to be signed by Major Judson Hannigan (able morale developer, training camp inspirationalist, generous cup and counsel donor to promising rookies) 104th Infantry, Boston, Mass., U. S. A. ...

From the letter it appeared that Major Judson Hannigan hoped the onetime Kaiser Wilhelm would send an expression of felicitation to be read when there is unveiled at the Massachusetts State House a mural depicting the 104th Regiment's colors being decorated by the French Government. In urging this request, Captain Judson Hannigan wrote to Wilhelm of Doom:

"We are all of the opinion that the position which we took during the War was correct, and we do not regret our action, in fact we are proud of it. But he who shuts his ears to the voice of his adversary in times of peace prolongs the hatred engendered by war. That is why you might like to send a message to my comrades."

Soon a letter sped from Doom to Major Judson Hannigan, whence it Cached newsgatherers last week: "Esteemed Major: I refuse to submit to the Emperor your communication of the 21st of March of this year, addressed to his Majesty, Emperor William II (not as you; in your remarkable ignorance of contemporary history, write 'the Third').

"Your demand is without tact and inappropriate. When you write that you are all of the opinion that the position you took in the War was correct, you again betray a colossal ignorance of the fact that in all countries, without excepting the United States, statements are increasing in number from day to day which go to show that the United States fought for a bad cause.

"Not Germany, not the Emperor, desired or brought about the War, but Frenchmen's desire for revenge, Russia's passion for power and England's mercantile selfishness. I recommend to you the books of Professor Barnes of Northampton, Mass., the speeches of La-Follette, of Senator Owen and many others.

"The United States has the last reason to be priding itself, in fact, they waited an adversary until he bled from thousands of wounds after three years of the severest struggle. Why? To save the money that your fellow-countrymen had invested in the business of War. It is tell-tale fact that even now the United States, eight years after the conclusion of the War, have not yet been able to decide to lay bare the archives, which would prove that; means were employed to bring the United States into the World War and at the same time violate the Monroe doctrine!" (Signed)

ADMIRAL VON REUBER PASCHWITZ In Attendance on His Majesty