Cow

In Chicago last week aldermen meditated on a resolution to purchase as a memorial the site where famed Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked over the lantern that started the great fire of 1871./-

Bull

In Newark, N. J., the orchestra played Carmen. A bull, goaded by the lances of the picador, careened madly about the ring. With graceful, measured step the matador advanced, rose on tiptoe, plunged his sword into the bull's breast, squarely between the shoulders. A bell rang. That bell was inside the bull. That bull was mechanical, controlled by an electric switchboard. Sportsmen were having their bi-weekly fun in a building on the banks of the grimy Passaic River.

Hog

In Berkeley Springs, W. Va., one Winter Unger butchered a hog; found two hearts, one normal in size, the other having attained the magnitude of a hen's heart.

Stork

In Delavan, Wis., Mr. and Mrs. William Storck announced the arrival of a daughter, their 17th Storck in 22 years.

Fish

In Wailuku, Hawaii, one Peter Paaina caught a small fish, clapped it into his mouth to remove the hook. The fish squirmed, snuggled into his windpipe. Fisherman Paaina coughed, spat, smote himself upon the back, grew red of face . . . purple, choked, died.

Hammer

In Berlin, Dr. L. Schoenbauer examined his ten dogs speculatively; drained off the fluid from their spinal columns; replaced the fluid with air. Then he patiently hit each dog on the head with a hammer, and in each case the dog died of concussion of the brain.

Orange-Eater

In Cincinnati, one Howard Stribling, 20, of Columbus, Ohio, ate 62 oranges, spat out the seeds, broke his own Ohio record; won $20, a straw hat, a walking stick. His masked rival, one "Hoggie," ate 53, was satiated. Orange potentates rejoiced.

Chewer-Experimenter

In Berlin, one Dr. Troska took a sharp knife, placed it on a piece of beefsteak, exerted a pressure of 800 pounds, thereby calculated the amount of energy necessary for each human chew of meat. A dog, said he, expends energy equal to 3,200 pounds in biting through a bone. Scientists scoffed, said that Chewer-Experimenter Troska was wasting his time.

Between Cocktails

At Monte Carlo, in ten minutes between cocktails, one Jules Regnier won 255,000 francs (approximately $10,000). $1,000 per minute for ten minutes is said to be a record.

Lucky Luck

In Tunbridge Wells, England, one A. G. Luck last August bet Lloyd's (famed insurers) $150 against $5,000 that his daughter, Mrs. Arthur Dumbreck, would have "two or more children early in 1927." Having found few twins or triplets in the Luck and Dumbreck family trees, Lloyd's waited confidently. Last week Mrs. Dumbreck gave birth to twins; Lucky Luck collected $55000. Many an-other wife urged her husband to bet on her; pius preachermen flayed sinners who gambled on motherhood.

Nose

In Manhattan, one Saul Fernandez was entertaining some ladies and gentlemen in his home at No. 121 W. 79 St. When Guest Juan Jacuevas uttered an improper remark to a young lady, Host Fernandez leaped at him, seized him by the throat, grasped his nose in his strong white teeth, bit off that nose. Mr. Jacuevas called a policeman. Mr. Fernandez was arrested.

Nose

In Stettin, Germany, one Martin Richter seized a butcher knife, sliced off the tip of his sweetheart's nose "to cure her of flirting in public," went to jail, hoped for a happy reunion and marriage.

Chain

At Paris, two inseparable friends, Mme. Ernestine Binet and Mile. Sophie Printemps had rings placed in their noses, last week and connected by a gold chain ten feet in length--that they might never hereafter dwell apart. As they left the jeweler's shop an urchin ran between them, broke the chain, tore the ring out of Mme. Binet's nose. The nose of Mlle. Printemps held.

Steps

Many a Cohen, many a Berg, has fallen clumsily down steps, only to arise and sue the owner of the steps for damages. At Tours, France, recently, Mrs. Otis Hower, U. S. tourist, slipped and fell on the steps of the famed Cathedral, sat down on an icy projection.

Rising, she sought the Cathedral authorities. "I demand," she said, "that these steps be fixed."

"Madame, there are over 300 worn steps in the Cathedral. To fix them all would cost 10,000 francs! Impossible!"

Last week Mrs. Hower, dauntless, drew her cheque for $400 (10,000 francs). "Here!" she said, "get the steps fixed. Fix them in memory of my sister, Marie Bruot of Cleveland."

Runts

Dr. Frederick Albert Cook is many times famed. In 1908, the world swallowed his "discovery" of the North Pole, until able Reporter Philip Gibbs proved it a hoax. Then Dr. Cook dabbled in oil stocks, was sent to the Leavenworth (Kan.) Penitentiary in 1925 for fraud. Behind the bars he became an expert needleworker (TIME, Aug. 3, 1925). Last week he gave to the world a sociological monograph, published in New Era, the prison paper. He suggested that large numbers of African pygmies be brought to the Virgin Islands for the breeding of a race of runts "to do the world's work." The pygmy female, said Dr. Cook, would be the ideal house servant and office girl. "It is necessary," said he, "that we diversify in breeding to produce heavy and thin forms, long and short bodies, even fat men and fat women."

/- Friends of cows have suggested that the cow was not responsible for the Chicago fire. The fly that bit the cow was to blame.