Had they been interviewed, some people who figured in last week's news might have related certain of their doings as follows:

Oliver Wendell Holmes, 85, Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, son of the famed poet and essayist: "Many times during my summer vacation at Beverly Farms, Mass., I had to sit docilely while my portrait was being painted. It is not done yet. I became impatient, demanded: 'How long will this continue? I have something else to do.' Then my wife told the painter: 'Pay no attention to him. Go right ahead and take as long as you like. If he were not here with you he would be over there in the corner reading naughty French novels.'"

Stanley Baldwin, Premier of Britain: "The secret leaked out last week that recently, when I passed through Paris on my way home from Aix-les-Bains, I arrived at the French capital asleep, though the hour was 10 a. m. Rubbing startled eyes, I beheld through the window of my sleeping compartment a silk-hatted delegation of welcome from President Doumergue. Discomfited but not nonplused I dressed hastily and managed to receive my well-wishers just before my car was switched onto a train destined for Calais."

James E. ("Big Jim") Watson, Republican Senator from Indiana: "Last week my name was tossed about in newspaper headlines because of two events. Neither one of them pleased me. I was linked with the sensational K. K. K. investigations in Indiana, a fact which my opponents say will damage my chances for re-election to the Senate. Then I was injured in an automobile accident near Indianapolis. My car went into a ditch to save crashing into another machine. I received a scalp wound which it took ten stitches to close, a sprained wrist and ankle, many bruises. I will be in the hospital for a week."

Senator James Couzens of Michigan: "My 1,000-acre, $100,000 Wabeek Farms near Orchard Lake, Mich., have always shown a deficit. Whether this is because I, frankly, am 'no farmer' or because U. S. farming is fundamentally unprofitable, I do not know. To decide this point, I turned over Wabeek Farms last week for a five-year term, rent and tax free, to Mark N. Williamson, Michigan 'dirt' farmer, and his brother, Frank H., bookish graduate of Michigan State College and post-graduate of the University of Minnesota. Frank Williamson's statement that 'the character and value of dairy products depend more on the handling of the herd and the products than on expensive registered stock' sounded sensible to me, for I was forced to sell my registered herd. The only rewards for these men will be what they can make Wabeek Farms earn for them."

Congressman Theodore Elijah Burton of Ohio: "Speaking before the Republican Women of Cleveland I flayed the U. S. people for being 'demoralized' where national affairs are concerned and devoting their whole attention to Bud Stillman's girl, 'Peaches'* Browning, Jack Dempsey and the world series. Said I: 'I consider calling that little hussy, "Peaches," a reflection on peach dishes or brandy, and the less said about her husband the better. There is no fool like an old fool. But let us dismiss this trivial gossip and consider subjects of importance to the nation.' "

Mayor W. Freeland Kendrick of Philadelphia: "Last week I made an announcement which surprised no one. I stated that the Sesquicentennial International Exposition is a financial failure, that operating deficits run between $25,000 and $40,000 weekly, that contractors are due more than $3,000,000 for construction and other work, that concessionaires want the Exposition reopened next year. Said I: 'While we should have had 25,000,000 people in attendance, we have had fewer than 5,000,000.'"

Thomas Alva Edison, New Jersey inventor: "In 1910, just after the death of Philosopher William James, I was asked my views on Immortality. I replied: 'I cannot believe in the immortality of the soul . . . Soul? Soul? What do you mean by soul? . . . The Brain immortal? No, the brain is a piece of meat-mechanism . . . wonderful meat-mechanism,' But the November issue of The Forum will contain another interview with me in which, now aged 79, I say that even evidence that science now possesses tends to favor belief in Immortality; that there is nothing necessarily shocking to practical intelligence about Immortality. By Immortality I mean what the spiritualists mean, persistence of the undefined 'Soul' after physical death. A little illogicality, I cite the 4,000-year-old Californian sequoia trees as suggestive of a possible afterlife for that part of man which is separate from his body. Then I switch to religion, saying that I believe Christ, Buddha, Confucius and Mohammed to have had greater influence on mankind than any material scientist. I qualify my regard for Mohammed, who believed in war. I discount Christian ritual, holding for the Sermon on the Mount, the Golden Rule. I discount church services and spoken prayers. I declare there are sermons in thunderstorms, wildflowers, oakleaves, snowflakes, squirrels. I advise religionists to adopt the methods of the scientists: obtain irrefutable, concrete data proving Immortality. Then men will have to believe, if the score is only 52 points to 48 points in Immortality's favor. I declare an educational church will save the world."

John Pierpont Morgan, Manhattan financier: "Last year I qualified for jury duty in my home county of Nassau, L. I. I then told the Commissioner of Jurors that I believed every citizen should be willing to perform jury service when called. Last week my name was drawn for service on the Grand Jury during the October session. I was in Europe, not to return until December or January."

William Rosenwald, son of Sears, Roebuck & Co. Chairman Julius Rosenwald: "Interviewed by newsgatherers last week I said: 'I deeply regret the false impression given to the press by a statement which I made (TIME, Oct. 11) concerning the Sherwood Eddy mission to Russia of which I was a member. I did not say that the Eddy mission was "filled full of bunk." I meant to say that it was almost impossible to get into the real heart of the Russian people. I fully agreed with and signed the letter sent to President Coolidge (recommending U. S. recognition of Russia) which was signed by members of the Eddy mission.'"

Dr. Henry Sloane Coffin, President Elect, Union Theological Seminary: "Last week the New York Presbytery, after an abnormally tense debate, voted against clerical interference with the proposed New York State referendum on the Volstead Act. This these Presbyterian ministers did, after I bluntly told them: ' I believe in the enforcement of the law, but I don't think this Presbytery should tell people how to vote. That is what the Roman Catholic Church does. We Protestants object to this.'"

Arthur Brisbane, Hearst Editor: "Traveling on the Santa Fe express in one of my frequent transcontinental rushes, I wrote, as usual, my daily column. Mentioning glibly Homer, Dante, Conrad, I pontificated: 'A man or woman writing well is like a hen laying an egg. If she hasn't an egg in her, she can't lay. If a man hasn't language and inspiration in him, he can't write well, and there is no such thing as teaching him.' '

Jackie Coogan, youthful cinema actor: "They set me in a chair and had my famed, baby-bobbed and banged hair cut short, to regulation 12-year-old length. The event took place in San Francisco. Cameras recorded the process from every angle, consuming over 500 feet of film. Needless to say, the scene will be featured in my next picture."

Frank B. Kellogg, Secretary of State: "The Alaskan seal herds of Pribilof Islands, now numbering 800,000, recently vexed the Japanese Government by appearing off Japanese fishing grounds and gobbling too many fish. Japan has requested that a Russo-Anglo-U. S.- Japanese conference be held to determine the fate of these seals which are now protected by a four power pre-War convention between the states named. In deference to the Administration's reluctance to resume diplomatic relations with Russia on account of a horde of seals the Japanese are temporarily suspending their request for a conference."

*Girl of 16 with laboring-class parents, who last April married Edward W. Browning, 52, Manhattan Cinderella man, having answered his newspaper advertisement for a "daughter" to adopt. Says he, now deserted: "She asked me to marry her."