Gustav, King of Sweden: "Through the mail I received a letter as follows: ' Darling, on Monday at 6 p. m. I'll expect you at Odinsplace. I'll wait till 7, but you must be sure to come. Ester.' Looking closely, I discovered the postmark had obliterated the name of a sailor aboard the training ship that bears my name. By my special order that sailor was given a holiday on Monday! "

Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: " Because I wore a blue sack suit, primrose-colored waistcoat, shabby soft gray hat and loose gloves to the Eton-Harrow cricket match, Tailor and Cutter pronounced me a ' sartorial weed' -- that is, ' suburban.' Lloyd George, the Earl of Balfour and Lord Robert Cecil have been similarly rebuked by this periodical."

Miss Alice Robertson, ex-Congresswoman from Oklahoma: "Fulminating against me for my ballot against the Bonus and for my subsequent remark that heavy pajamas make our ex-soldiers irritable, the Minneapolis Labor Review said: ' Hot pajamas! Hot Hell! If Alice Robertson thinks that hot pajamas are the cause of the ex-soldiers' dissatisfaction it is time for her to start thinking overtime.' "

Gilda Gray, Follies contortionist: " At my Rockville Centre, L. I., home I entertained 100 children from a nearby bible school. I gave them a picnic lunch; I gave them games and folk dances on the green."

Gloria Swanson: "In the love nest scene for Zaza, my new picture, I broke a record by remaining in tears for five consecutive hours. I ran the whole gamut of emotions, passing rapidly from hate to frenzy, mockery to jealousy and then to bitter contrition."

Manuel Herrick, whilom Congressman from Oklahoma: "Jilted by Miss Ethelyn Chrane, I demanded $50,000 heart balm. In answering this suit Miss Chrane told the Court I had proposed to marry her secretly and later sell the ' scoop' to newspapers. She said that after she promised to marry me my personality and habits became exceedingly distasteful, and eventually so obnoxious that I was unendurable."

Sidi Mohammed-el-Hadib, Bey of Tunis: " I visited France and inspected some aviation camps. Said I: ' My religion does not permit flying; it is likely to give the Almighty the impression an insignificant mortal is trying to attain heights to which he is not entitled before death.'"

The Earl of Northesk: "One of my uncles, when interviewed in London by the Chicago Tribune concerning my marriage to Jessica Brown, former Follies girl, said: 'I am afraid it is only too true!'"