Having perused well the chronicle of the week, the Vigilant Patriot views with alarm:

A spider who cries: " YESS, and now it is mine!" (P. 3.)

The red herring with which President Wilson was tripped. (P. 7.)

A diplomat that cannot walk. (P. 13.)

" The laughing stock of the world " (P. 8.)

A lass who treads her comrades' toes, exclaiming: "Let them squirm."

(P. 22.)

Umbrage in Canada for Count Michael Karolyi, traitor to caste if not to country. (P. 13.)

Moron marathons. (P. 24.)

A public that continues to tolerate a deposed cinema clown. (P. 26.)

Fuliginous fogs. Their cleanliest monthly average is 54 tons of dirt to the square mile. (P. 8.)

Wine-bibbing Poles, whose challenges at midnight are more deadly than their rapiers. (P. 12.)

Impending London food shortage. (P. 8.)

A tennis stormcloud out of sunny Spain. (P. 25.)

100,000 cases of flu in Santiago de Chili. (P. 13.)

A lupine demise that bodes ill for the Eternal City. (P. 9.)

A sweeping statement defining woman's proper sphere. (P. 26.)

The reported leak in Johnny Weissmuller's heart. (P. 24.)