Imaginary Interviews

(During the Past Week the Press Gave Extensive Publicity to the Following Men and Women. Let Each Explain to You Why His Name Appeared in the Headlines.)

George V: " Accompanied by my wife, I paid a visit to a new maternity wing of Queen Mary's Hospital in the poor district of London. When I stooped to rock the cradle of one of my tiniest subjects, the nurse in charge hurried up to me and said politely: 'We don't rock babies nowadays, Your Majesty.' She explained that it had been found that rocking made babies ill."

Gabriele d'Annunzio: "I explained my absence from Ida Rubenstein's performance of my opera Phaedre by writing her the following letter: ' To my other tribulations I must now add a serious ailment in one eye. But in the painful obscurity I can still imagine your face, and my miserable imperfection is consoled by the perfection of your art. Gabriele.' "

Edward of Wales: "A British advertising man, visiting the U. S., announced that I intend to visit ' Canada, Australia and other of the dominions ' prior to the British Empire Exposition, which opens at Wembley, near London, next Spring."

Alexander Smith Cochran, millionaire carpet manufacturer and second husband of the now Ganna Walska McCormick, whilom opera star: " In my private yacht, Restless, I arrived in Honolulu from England via Panama. The Restless cost $500,000. She is on her maiden voyage around the world."

Archer M. Huntington, millionaire patron of the arts: " Popular vote (at New York City's Silver Jubilee) acclaimed me as one of a number of ' civic heroes' who have done most good for the greater city since its creation 25 years ago. Others similarly chosen were: Mrs. E. H. Harriman (whose private benefactions have been considerable), Nathan Straus and Mrs. Millicent Hearst (whose picture as a public benefactor can be viewed almost daily in her husband's press)."

Albert B. Fall, former secretary of the interior: Said I, in London, of Mr. Harding: 'Although the President likes to drink as much as I do, he is quite prepared to stand or fall by the enforcement of prohibition simply on the ground that it is the law of the country and must be enforced at all costs.' "

Warren G. Harding: " The press represented me as having sent a ' golf defi' to Lieutenant Governor W. C. Nichol of British Columbia. I have issued him a friendly challenge for a match when I reach Vancouver, July 26."

Dr. George T. Harding, the President's father: "I celebrated my 79th birthday by hitching up my sorrel mare and driving to the offices of The Marion Star, where I received congratulations. Later I gave my receipt for good health: 'Eat rye bread and oatmeal; they keep the arteries clean.' From my distinguished son I received a sum of money."

E. S. Agnew, director of Punch: " Sailing from New York on the Acquitania, I said to interviewers: ' There are too many gigglers in America and I feel that it requires too little effort to make Americans laugh. Americans are gayer and enjoy themselves more than the British, because America is more prosperous than England!'"

Irving S. Cobb: " Said I (apropos of some remarks by E. S. Agnew, Punch Director): ' Americans have a better sense of humor than the British because they have the British to laugh at. The British can't laugh very well because it is difficult to laugh over adenoids, with which all Britishers are afflicted.' " Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler,

President of Columbia University: " Said I in a speech at a dinner of the Pilgrims in London: ' One of our greatest national failings is to identify the Fourth of July, 1776, with the date of the creation of the universe.'"

Captain Charles Nungesser,

French ace: " Riding in the Bois de Boulogne, I was thrown from my mount, a skittish mare, into some bushes. The bushes broke my fall."

Lady Astor: " Said I of Mrs. Hilton Philipson, recently elected M. P.: ' If she does not know much, she need not be afraid, for she will find that some of her fellow M. P.'s know less. Before I went to the Commons I was appalled by my ignorance, but I soon found others more ignorant than myself.' "

Mrs. Franklin D. Roosevelt: "I paid a fine of $10 for driving an automobile through the village of Earlville, N. Y., faster than the law allows."